May 18, 2010

The New Regime

I woke up last Tuesday (so it's been a week now) with a monstrous tumor-like zit on my forehead. Yes, seriously. I really thought that once I entered my twenties the dreaded unsightly break-outs would cease. I'm not sure if it's this humid, miserable weather, the crappy eating habits I've developed lately, stress, or a combination of all of these things. That being said. I'm starting a new plan of attack. Or maybe it will be better called a new regime. Tyrannical style.  

I went home from work yesterday and went crazy with the scissors. I'm now rockin' some blunt bangs. haha Keep in mind, I'm NO hairstylist. This was huge and drastic for me. I don't like extra attention so I tend to try to downplay everything and make no obvious changes to my appearance. Well, it was either notice the cyclops eye growing out of my forehead, or notice some new bangs. My hair grows very quickly anyway, so in 2 weeks I'll have some side swept bangs if I so choose.

Downfall? I look like I'm 12 and a half. But I thought, "what the hell?!?!", because I've already hit all my "exciting" milestone birthdays, so what if people think I'm younger than I actually am? A lot of women would be ecstatic to hear they look younger than they are! And anyway, I think they are kind of sassy... plus, I don't have a forehead.. I have a FIVEhead... seriously, that thing is huge, and now it is camouflaged. And I have killer blue eyes, and now focus is drawn there. I can handle attention on my eyes I think. But this is going to take a lot of getting used to.

Conversation I had with Eric when he got home from work:

Me: "So... what do you think"
Eric: "I'm just going to have to get used to them.. but they don't look bad."
Me: "Don't look 'bad'? I don't want to 'not look bad '"
Eric: "It looks cute, I'm just not used to it yet"
Me: "It's not like I haven't had bangs before, you just didn't know me then... I had them when I was like12..."
Eric: "Yeah, well don't most 12 year olds?"


Second on my list- eat better and work out. I used to be a fitness FREAK. I mean, I was in shape, worked out daily, ran like a crazy person, and ate very healthily. I do have to say, at this same point in time I was consuming inordinate amounts of alcohol, not sleeping nearly as much as I should have been, and was pretty depressed. But I looked good... fit. It feels wonderful to be fit. I've been dealing with some problems with hypoglycemia, anemia, and low B12 levels recently. And OMG, it SUCKS. It's horrible to be a very active person and have zero energy to do anything. All I want to do is lay on the couch and sleep. BOO. But I'm going to force myself. FORCE myself. I loathe running. But I will run. Till I can't run anymore. I will use my stability ball and hand weights. And I will do my Pilates (which I love). And I will stop pigging out on JUNK. and that's FINAL. I'm not out to lose much weight, maybe 4-6 pounds, but toning up would be wonderful.

Thirdly, and possibly most importantly, I will be drama-free. I will disassociate myself with stressful people and situations and I will work hard to ensure that I am heading down an emotionally healthy path. I've said before that I'm trying to get some things worked through and anxiety is an issue, so my psychiatrist will assist with this goal. First appointment is tomorrow. Eek. We'll see.

And I'm going to start actually using my tanning package. I know, it's bad for you. I know, it causes cancer and premature aging. But I honestly have higher self-esteem when I'm tan. And it keeps my skin clear. And it makes you look thinner. And maybe it's all in my head, but I just feel better.

I am taking my health, both mental and physical, into my own hands. I'm working to become who I want to be.

Any suggestions? Feel free to divulge!


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