May 11, 2010

Is normal too much to ask?

I had an appointment before work today with my primary care physician. Let me just say, I hate needles. I saw my "lady doctor" last week to check my blood pressure and my iron count. Apparently, the finger prick showed that my iron levels had fallen from 11.8 to 9.9, over a 6 month period, and the doctor said she would like to see it up around 14. So today I had to get blood tests done to get a more accurate reading (apparently the finger prick thingy isn't too reliable) and also to make sure there's no underlying problem. Great. Well, I'm just hoping that this is a satisfactory explanation for  the chronic fatigue I've been fighting with.

What a pain in the ass. I just want to be normal.. is normal too much to ask?  It's always one thing or another, isn't it? What does it take to be physically and emotionally healthy, normal, and stable? I want everything to be perfect and right now. I want to marry the man I love and I want to have babies with him! But, I've screwed myself over. I first want to graduate from college. Most of my friends are done, or almost, and here I am, just beginning again. I wasted so much time and so many resources it's ridiculous. Can you outgrow your past and become more? I sure hope so because I'm not at all pleased with the state of some of my most important relationships, and I want to be a better friend, sister, daughter, etc. whewww. I have a feeling this is going to be a long, difficult, painful road, but I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end.

So, with the help of a psychiatrist, and hopefully the patience and understanding of my friends and family, I'm beginning this new journey in the hopes of becoming a better person for myself, the ones I love, and my future.


Post a Comment