May 10, 2010

Book 1, finished... & Mother's Day

A lot has transpired over the past weekend.

I finished the book (Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella). I really enjoyed it. The only thing I didn't care for was the incredible similarity to the tv show Samantha Who?, as I said before. I felt like because I had seen the tv show, I could predict everything that was going to happen. I don't know the tv show first aired or when the book was written, but the similarities were extreme. I love Samantha Who?, and I love Remember Me?, but they both would be better if I had never heard of the other... but, I would definitely recommend the book!

On to more personal affairs.  I didn't spend time with my mom on Mother's Day. Try not to be judgmental here, I've had some recent revelations (that I don't want to get into just now) about some of my mom's life decisions that directly impacted me as a child that really just... well, piss me off. So Mother's Day was very untimely. I called her last night at about 9:30, from Eric's phone, and left her a message when she didn't pick up. Now I have a guilty conscience, especially because I spent the entire evening with Eric's family (which I do not intend telling my mom about), because I really hope I didn't hurt her feelings. Last night I started to wonder if she was upset or mad, and in my mind I visualized her curled up on the couch, just her and her jack russell Molly, crying. As soon as that thought entered, I ushered it out. I know she had plans with my sister (the good daughter) earlier in the day, along with my sister's boyfriend and his parents, so I'm hoping she had a nice Mother's Day.

So Mother's Day. It's not my holiday to celebrate, but once upon a time it was going to be. Two years ago this june, Eric and I were busy trying to move into a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood in a quiet part of town. The last night we spent in the old house, with no electricity or furniture, just candles, an air mattress, a pack of phase 10 cards, and a box of delivery pizza, we got a little... careless. One thing lead to another and before I know it, it's 5 weeks later and I'm 2 weeks late... then 2 weeks later, I'm in the Emergency Room, in terrible pain, both physical and emotional, because I'm losing our baby. It was an unplanned pregnancy and we were both not where we wanted to be on a number of levels when we had children. So as much as it killed me, we made sure it didn't happen again. But 2 years later, I still wonder... boy or girl? blonde or brunette? short like me, or tall like daddy? sweet or ornery? ...the questions are innumerable, and forever unanswered. I have baby fever. wedding fever. honeymoon fever. I am head-over-heals in love with Eric, and I know I want to spend my life with him. I am ready to get this going. I'm ready to see our baby's face, kiss his or her plump little cheeks, hear him or her screaming at 2 o'clock in the morning, and share every other difficult, beautiful moment with the man I love and the child we created from that love. And wow, I am quite the sap.


Post a Comment