May 25, 2010

I'm a Brand New Woman!

I feel like a brand new woman. Apart from the low energy level due to hypoglycemia and low vitamin b12 levels (which I got medicine today to treat that), my anxiety has taken a major ass whoopin'. Thank you Zoloft and Klonopin. I don't feel any side-effects, no personality change, just freedom from my fears and anxieties; freedom to do whatever I want without suffering painfully because I'm overly self-conscious and extremely anxious anytime I do anything.

So, the first day I felt better, I went clothes shopping. I wanted to try styles that have always appealed to me but I stayed away from because I didn't want any kind of attention drawn to me. I got my hair cut, and it is sassy... see.. sassy..

I like sassy and funky and a little edgy and daring... but I've never had the confidence to try it.. until now! I feel like I'm finally able to express myself outwardly with my appearance and vibe.. I feel like my whole aura has changed to match my personality and what's going on inside of me. I even traded my normal tiny stud of a nose ring for a funky loop. I feel so good. 

And for the first time since I can ever ever remember, I actually feel pretty. Wow. It's crazy for me right now and I'm on sensory overload. 

I've had conversations with complete strangers. I've smiled back to someone who smiled first when we made momentary eye contact, instead of averting my eyes. 

I even told a girl in a movie theater bathroom about the use of human hair to help soak up the oil spill when I overheard her saying she was disappointed because she wants her hair cut but it's not long enough to donate to locks of love yet. She was so nice and so appreciative of me letting her know about another great cause. 

Now I just feel crazy for having waited so long. And I'm absolutely ecstatic to be back on the track I wanted to be on all this time. I feel independence I've never experienced before. wooooo hoooooo!!! 

Have a FABULOUS Tuesday! I know I will!!!


Cathy said...

This post is so happy, I'm excited for you!

And good for you for talking openly and honestly about your anxiety.

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