Wow, have I been AWOL!?

So it's been a couple of months. Lots of inconsequential things have happened, but mostly school and work consume my life. I'm off to class now, but I'll get back just as soon as I have a chance.. so probably sometime  tomorrow! (...I've tried out some pretty delish recipes lately too.. some of which were my own creation.)

I'm a poopy face.

I feel like shit. Allergies. Migraine. and my back is killing me.. which is probably the suspected endometriosis. ay yi yi. I would like to say, however, that I'm seriously getting into shape. I mean, my biceps are impressive... If only  my triceps matched them....

A Lessen Learned... The Hard Way

Let me start out by saying, when medications come with warnings that say such things as "Taking this medicine alone or with alcohol may lessen your ability to drive or preform hazardous tasks," what they really mean is, "If you're gonna drink, prepare to be TRASHED... and then beg for death."

This was my weekend. I thought I was going to the Indianapolis 500 to enjoy festivities. I thought it would be a fun time, a new experience (I'd never been) and plus, My boyfriend got free tickets through his work.

We went up Saturday afternoon. We got through traffic and whatnot at about 6 and met up with his friends from work. We intended to stay the night, walk around, and watch about half of the race the next day. Unfortunately, about 6 hours and 4 16oz beers later, I was curled up in the back seat of my car with a plastic sack on the floorboard full of vomit. (Someone had so thoughtfully grilled me a delicious steak, and even through my drunkeness, I couldn't be rude and turn it down). Oh yes, steak and beer vomit. It was horrid.

I would also like to emphasize what an OUTSTANDING impression I made on Eric's colleagues, most of whom I had never before met. So they either thought I am a total lush, or I just can't handle my alcohol. Not to mention I'm sure it reflected marvelously on Eric. Luckily, he did a little explaining of the circumstances concerning my anxiety and my new medication, and they were understanding and forgiving. Thank god. I felt like a complete ass. And we had to leave early.

Thankfully, by the time we arrived safely at home, I had long-since successfully evacuated all the contents of my stomach (and then some), had a chance to sleep it off, hydrate with some water, and I actually felt well enough to shower and eat some Wheat Thins without yacking some more.

Moral of the story, I will NOT drink like that again. 64 oz of beer might not seem like a lot, but considering all the factors, including the fact I'm only 5'2", 115 lbs, I'm thinking it was about 50oz too many. Lessen learned. But I ruined what was potentially going to be a really great weekend. Go me.

Here's to hoping your weekend was better than mine...

I'm a Brand New Woman!

I feel like a brand new woman. Apart from the low energy level due to hypoglycemia and low vitamin b12 levels (which I got medicine today to treat that), my anxiety has taken a major ass whoopin'. Thank you Zoloft and Klonopin. I don't feel any side-effects, no personality change, just freedom from my fears and anxieties; freedom to do whatever I want without suffering painfully because I'm overly self-conscious and extremely anxious anytime I do anything.

So, the first day I felt better, I went clothes shopping. I wanted to try styles that have always appealed to me but I stayed away from because I didn't want any kind of attention drawn to me. I got my hair cut, and it is sassy... see.. sassy..

I like sassy and funky and a little edgy and daring... but I've never had the confidence to try it.. until now! I feel like I'm finally able to express myself outwardly with my appearance and vibe.. I feel like my whole aura has changed to match my personality and what's going on inside of me. I even traded my normal tiny stud of a nose ring for a funky loop. I feel so good. 

And for the first time since I can ever ever remember, I actually feel pretty. Wow. It's crazy for me right now and I'm on sensory overload. 

I've had conversations with complete strangers. I've smiled back to someone who smiled first when we made momentary eye contact, instead of averting my eyes. 

I even told a girl in a movie theater bathroom about the use of human hair to help soak up the oil spill when I overheard her saying she was disappointed because she wants her hair cut but it's not long enough to donate to locks of love yet. She was so nice and so appreciative of me letting her know about another great cause. 

Now I just feel crazy for having waited so long. And I'm absolutely ecstatic to be back on the track I wanted to be on all this time. I feel independence I've never experienced before. wooooo hoooooo!!! 

Have a FABULOUS Tuesday! I know I will!!!

CONCERT!!!!! & a Dirty, Dirty Thief

Eric and I went to a concert this weekend. Sick Puppies, Shinedown, and Breaking Benjamin opened for Nickelback. I like Nickelback, but I can easily say that Shinedown and Breaking Benjamin are two of my favorite bands. Sick Puppies are pretty decent too. Oh, and we got completely hammered. shwasted. 

Traffic was horrid.  The concert started at 6:30... we didn't get there until 7:30, and we missed Sick Puppies and heard a few songs of Shinedown as we made the hellacious walk to the stadium from our parking spots. We stayed in a modern, funky hotel that was way nice and comfortable. It was only 7 miles away. It took us an hour and a half to make it that 7 miles. Talk about some bullshit. But it was still awesome..

I got a sweet Shinedown T-shirt

And the Sick Puppies autograph on their newest CD

Sweet, right? I think so :)

Other than that we just enjoyed our time in the city, went out to dinner, went to a few different malls & bought a few different things. The only bad part of our entire trip, & it was a HUGE bad spot- We got robbed.

 In a store at the mall, sit my 2 bags down, walk about 20 feet away, realize what I had done, go back, and they are gone. In the first bag was a pair of $60 black strappy cage stilettos I got on sale for $30. The other bag... well that was a fiasco. 

When Eric and I went on spring break to South Carolina, we went to a Nike Outlet (which we don't have one of those within 4 hours of us) and we found this AWESOME pair of Air Jordan Flight's. They were white and the prettiest color bright blue; simple, but caught a lot of eyes and tons of compliments. And they were very very very well taken care of. They were literally like brand new. We always look in every shoe store to see if we can find them and we have not EVER came across another pair like them. It probably seems silly, but these shoes very meaningful to both of us. We bought them on our first major vacation together. Oh, and they were $140.

Well anyway, Eric had just bought a new pair of Air Max's and decided to wear them out of the store, and put the Jordan's in the new shoe box. That's right. I'm to blame for his beloved shoes being stolen. We both wish that the $100 pair of Air Max's were the ones in the box because we could've replaced them easily... well not that easily, most shoe stores only get 1 pair of size 13's, and this was the only store we could find them in.

So I feel like a huge piece of shit. And I cried. A lot. I still can't believe it happened. He was as dignified with me as can be hoped for, though I know he was very very upset, he accepted my 5 billion apologies, hugged me, and still held my hand and took me to see Shrek: Forever After in IMAX (I had never been to an IMAX theater.. OMG OMG OMG. that's all I can say about that experience.) The movie was pretty cute, but very short. We both would've preferred to see Iron Man 2 but it wasn't playing in IMAX that day. 

And even more so, I can't believe the people in this world. That was a very very dirty thing to do to someone. We both work very hard for the things that we have. I have integrity and morals, but I feel like it's becoming less and less common. So as of this very moment, I feel very down about the state of humanity. 

How many good people are there left out there? Not enough, I don't think...

Bucket List

Recently, I had a grand realization. I want to experience EVERYTHING. (Well not literally everything, but you know what I mean.) Whence came my Bucket List.  Here are the things that I came up with.

• Visit each of the Hawaiian Islands
• Scuba dive/snorkel at the Great Barrier Reef
• Take a gondola ride through the canals of Venice
• Ice skate in Central Park
• Be walked down the isle by my daddy
• Learn how to shoot a crossbow
• Skydive
• Spend an entire weekend at a spa with my sister
• Picnic at the beach and watch the sunset
• Ride a tandem bicycle down a picturesque boardwalk
• Spend an entire day at the Louvre
• Take photography classes
• Visit a town nestled in a mountain
• Tour France and experience real French cuisine
• Learn an exotic dance
• Design my dream home
• Compile a recipe book/box
• Write a blog
• Have one of my written works published
• Try absinthe
• Experience natural childbirth
• Parasail
• See a real-life lighthouse
• Experience something spiritually moving

As you can see, I've been lucky enough as of very recently to cross a few items off the list. Yes, some of my aspirations are more practical than others, but I feel as though all of these things are attainable. Some of these things (like snorkeling) might be a bit of a stretch due to some of my phobias, but I still hope to achieve these things.

What are some things you would place on your Bucket List? Anyone experienced any of the things I have listed and want to share their story?

Drugs & Haircuts. Oh What Fun.

Ay yi yi. First visit to a, well my, psychiatrist this afternoon. It kind of sucks if you really think about it. I'm going to talk to a stranger about my deepest darkest concerns, fears, habits, and inadequacies. I mean really, this is shit I don't really feel like talking about. BUT, I know that I need to work past it in order to move on with my life. He made me feel better though. Apparently, I'm not crazy, it's a chemical imbalance, and with the right combination of drugs, I will feel like the "intelligent, sensitive, good person" (his words, not mine) that I am. Ok, I'm ready now.

I decided, spur of the moment last night, to get my hair cut today. I know, I know, I just hacked my bangs off... which here I am...

(So what do you think?)

Anyway, I was able to get an appointment after work today. I'm nervous. I'm trying out a new hairstylist because I wasn't happy with the work of my previous one, but I really liked her, and couldn't bring myself to tell her that she wasn't achieving what I was looking for. Anyway, I want something messy and layered, probably razored, but I want to keep the length. I'll let you know how it turns out tomorrow.

I worked out yesterday, like I said I was going to. ugh. It's so hard for me to get motivated to do anything, let alone something so...so ughh. My psychiatrist said that's also part of the chemical problem (lack of motivation to do things, even things I enjoy), so hopefully the drugs will help with that too... I'm not too sore today, even though I was feeling the burn last night. It was like my body welcomed it.. missed it even. I'm thinking it's probably not going to happen tonight, I have too many errands to run, but definitely tomorrow!

Have a GREAT Wednesday night!